Dating too many guys at once
Multiple dating makes dating messier even though the people that do it often think it makes it easier because it keeps them out of a relationship, let’s them check out lots of options at once instead of doing one person at a time, but it can also be a protective measure for ensuring that you don’t get close enough to anyone.
Really multiple dating is just a code term for: 1) Keeping your options open.
More than a quarter of new relationships in the UK now originate from talking on a dating website or app and for young adults, being single is practically synonymous with having a Tinder profile ( I personally know several very happy couples who met on Tinder and would not have met if it were not for the app.) However, like everything, it is a choice. At the beginning of the year, River decided to take a hiatus as dating was becoming a bit of a drag.
“I was going on 2-3 dates a week and the hangover was killing me,” she jokes.
“The stakes were higher, you had to be really sure that you liked that person and were willing to take the risk, therefore the reward was much sweeter and the risk, sometimes worth it,” she says.
“Those days are gone now that matches are instantly won, lost and unmatched and a catalogue roster of willing victims await when things don't go precisely the way one might want them to play out.
Daters can become aware of an addictive element in their own behaviour, swiping through dozens of people in a short time, and finding no one that satisfies,” she told Bloomfield suggests slowing everything down and says if you have tried and not enjoyed internet dating, there still are other ways to meet people. Start to become a 'conversational artist,' famous among your friends for asking interesting questions and connecting with people and politics in the wider world.
You’ll also find that you worry about ‘breaking up’ with people and may even avoid being honest or be inadvertently ambiguous because you’re worried about hurting their feelings.2) Being afraid of commitment because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Some people keep their options open because they want to shag around, they think there’s plenty of fish in the sea, and they also worry that someone who perfectly meets their criteria may be out there somewhere and are afraid of ‘settling’.In fact a number of women have said to me that they’re afraid of wasting time, while at the same time feeling that time is running out, so they’re trying to effectively compact, for example, what would be a years worth of dating for another person, into a couple of months. It may feel like you’re auditioning them for what you feel is the big job of being ‘The One’ but you and they are people with feelings, libidos, imaginations, and love habits that may be counterproductive to you actually getting the relationship you want – adding several people to the mix just makes it messy.Next thing you know, even though you that you’re not interested, you’ve got the stress of various guys you have half-hearted interest in, lurking around.Then you think back to when you’ve been messed around by some guy, remember how you felt and tell yourself you don’t want to make someone feel like that, but these guys, who some of them will be just as emotionally unavailable, will be pursuing you because not doing what they expect, so they’ll take a while to take the hint.